Nesting or therapizing?
How watching Couples Therapy became my maternity leave prep for baby no. 2
I’m officially on maternity leave, and this time it’s happening before any sign of baby number two, which feels like a major milestone. My first came three weeks early, when I was still very much working, which was…needless to say, a bit chaotic. So what have I been upto so far? I started a new show called Couples Therapy. It’s meaty and initially I figured the three seasons would be exactly what I need to settle into homebound baby bliss. However, it’s been four days and I’ve already burned through seasons one and two. OOPS! It’s that good.
What I love most about Couples Therapy with the remarkable Dr. Orna Guralnik, is how it makes me feel completely seen and affirmed. Dr. Guralnik's empathetic and insightful approach creates a safe space where no issue is too taboo or stigmatized to explore. And trussssst me, the people on the show have issues (don’t we all?). From narcissism, to substance use disorder, to PTSD —I’m inferring here, because at no point does Dr. Orna ever hint at a diagnosis— the show adeptly highlights that the more specific an experience, the more universal it becomes, fostering deep connections through shared human emotions. Watching the couples navigate their challenges with Dr. Orna’s guidance, I'm reminded of the profound impact of understanding and compassion in healing relationships.
Dr. Orna is a psychoanalyst. This means her approach is non-pathologizing and deeply rooted in exploring the unconscious mind and the underlying motivations behind behaviours and emotions. She delves into the patterns and dynamics within relationships, often focusing on childhood experiences and unresolved conflicts that impact individuals’ current behaviour and interactions. It’s exploratory and interpretive, aiming to bring unconscious thoughts and feelings to the surface to foster deeper understanding and lasting change.
This contrasts with the more popular and widespread therapeutic modality: cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT is more structured and directive, focusing on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. It emphasizes practical strategies and skills to manage specific problems and is usually time-limited.
It’s no surprise that I’m absolutely geeking out on Couples Therapy because of my background in psychology; having majored in it at university eons ago. But beyond that, I've always been obsessed with interpersonal dynamics, and this show goes straight to the very heart of these themes. I’ve tried CBT, dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and narrative therapy in the past, but at the moment I’m really appreciating the psychoanalytic framework more than before.
Watching this show has been a deeply introspective experience for me, as I recognize aspects of myself in many of the characters, particularly the ones who exhibit a similar brand of perfectionism, high anxiety, and need for control. I’ve found myself reflecting on my past, in order to find the origins of these coping mechanisms, questioning how my childhood experiences shaped these traits and what specific events or dynamics triggered them. Ultimately, the goal is to gain clarity on how they’re manifesting in my current relationships. It’s a journey of connecting the dots between the past and present, exploring the ways in which these ingrained patterns influence my interactions and emotional responses today.
And you know what? Something unexpected has happened. Instead of retreating into the typical maternity leave mindset of nesting and preparing—which I SWEAR I’ll get to —I've found myself initiating open and honest conversations with my partner, and reflecting on our own relationship dynamics in light of what I've seen on the show. We've begun to dig deeper into our interactions, exploring our childhood influences and how they're playing out in our relationship today. It’s been an enlightening and sometimes challenging process, but incredibly rewarding. As we await the new arrival, I feel more connected and prepared, not just as a parent, but as a partner.
I promise they aren't paying me to promote this, but go and watch Couples Therapy on Showtime, Paramount+, or wherever you go to watch things without paying for them. It's truly transformative.
I'm going to try it! Thanks for the suggestion. I love psychology, I read a lot of self-help books and articles on psychology, not because I'm looking for help, but because I like seeing what makes people tick. One of my favorite amateur discoveries was while in a past toxic relationship I learned he was using a passive/aggressive behavior because he had in inferiority/superiority complex. Haha, it was enough to help me get away (finally) after a long, arduous 19 years. (I met him in NA, where we attended and found out later he wasn't an addict.) (Probably TMI, but you get the picture.)